Estimated Reading Time: 3-4 minutes. Do you ever feel like you’re losing control of your life? As if you don’t know how you got to where you are? And it seems like every time anyone does or says anything to you, there’s a major conversation going on in your brain.
Your husband says or does something and you think, Why couldn’t you have something different? Why couldn’t you just read my mind and realize that I’m not happy.
Your children say they’re thirsty and you think, Drink your spit. Get your own water! Don’t you realize that’s why we got the step stool? Geez!
The phone rings and you think, Shut up! Seriously, I can’t handle on more thing!
Perhaps this mentality only strikes you on a monthly basis. For me, it happens when I haven’t been prayer journaling or doing whatever is necessary for me to maintain my time with God. (And sometimes it happens monthly…y’know, at that time of month.) And the reason I usually don’t let these thoughts out of my head is because they are selfishly motivated. I know that. The words in my head could be quite hurtful, unnecessarily so, to the receiver. So I hold it in.
Not too long ago, though, I realized that the thoughts weren’t going away despite my best efforts (getting more sleep, exercise, prayer, and trying to talk things through with people). It was then that I realized that I had TOO MUCH on my plate. Just TOOOOOOOO much! I didn’t know how to relieve the pressure because everything was necessary. I’d already cut so much out that to cut out more would be cutting out my kids’ activities and those were for them, not me. What to do?
I had a friend text me around the same time, telling me of how challenging things were for her. The thoughts in my head weren’t nice. I basically went to war having a “Uh-uh, mine’s worse” battle that she wasn’t even there to fight. But I also knew that I couldn’t respond to her text because it would make her circumstance more difficult and add more pressure to my pressure-cooker life. So I didn’t text back.
Instead, I wrote. I sat down and wrote a good, old fashioned note, explaining to her why I didn’t reply right away. I explained the pressures in my life and my fear that I would spiral into a never-ending pity party if I tried to talk about it or help someone else through their “stuff.” I told her to please forgive me for pulling back, but to please understand that for a season, I had to be silent.
This is a really dear friend…we’ve known each other longer than I’ve known my husband. She’s my “sister from another mother.” I can’t tell you how hard that letter was to write. But I set a boundary for my emotional sanity (and hers). And do you know what that boundary did?
Instead of create a line of distance between us, it drew a circle around us and drew us closer. She understood. She didn’t even acknowledge receipt of the letter…she just disappeared. We texted greetings on Christmas and New Year’s and a few other times. We exchanged a few emails (all initiated by me, not her).
What I’ve realized is that, without words, we’ve grown closer. I know that we still need to sit and catch up. I know that there will be a time when I’ll need to be silent and give her space because of what she’s going through. And we both know there are times when we call and say in desperation, “I need you right now.” And we’ll be there.
That’s the beauty of The Inner Circle friends, they know when the boundaries are to be crossed or respected. They understand you from the inside out. I emailed my friend today to please call when she can. And when she does, we won’t have missed a beat.
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